My Dark Angel-Wings.  Yup.  Recent events have proven my chosen user-name very appropriate for me.

I started to do some research into medieval angelology.  Didn't find very much though.  My home-town library isn't very big and is rather limited on the kinds of books it has.  (It does have three Thich Nath Than [I probably spelled it wrong] books, including "Living Buddha, Living Christ" which I still have on my list to complete reading at some point).  But that research will hopefully eventually be beneficial for when I work more on my most recent novel idea.

Second point of proof.  I feel slightly jaded, and I wasn't even the one who was directly hurt by the incident.  However, I am finding it difficult to not be bitter and cynical.  I liked my little niavettes, the ones that allowed me to first trust people, without them having to put forth any effort to prove themselves worthy of that trust.  Slowly, now that free-trust is turning into something that will not be bought by any price. 

I am not concerned in the slightest that I may turn out an old maid.  Dying as a spinster, writing my grand love-stories though experiencing none for myself.  I have great dreams of love and commitment and lasting, unwavering devotion...of responsibility.  But that is not how the modern world opperates.  I will live a life like Jane Austen.  Alone, voicing my hopes for love in the books that I write, and then die with those same dreams unmet in this lifetime. 

I have not, as of yet, turned into an unforgiving shrew.  But if I am cause pain in a similar manner ever again...I couls easily turn that route and trust only those who are now closest to me, accepting no new "friends" into my heart.

The first of my grandparents to pass on was my grandfather on my father's side.  Clarence Curtis.  He died this afternoon at 12:15.   I wasn't there.  From what I understand, he passed peacefully.  He was 84.

The saddest thing to me about his passing is that I don't really remember a time when he wasn't ill.  I remember vaguely times when he would walk himself from place to place.  I remember his smile.  But freshest in my mind are my memories of his clouded eyes and seeming disconnection with life around him.  He would look at something but not see it.  And he has never been one of many words. 

I'm saddest most because I don't know if I knew him.  But I do know these: he loved me, I loved him, and now he's with Jesus.

So, I'm pretty sure I told most of you that I had been able to access my neighbor's wireless.  It was great...at first.  Then it became touch and go.  Now it only loads pages if it feels like it.  The signal strenght hasn't really been a problem, but whether or not I can connect to that network is.  I think they may have modified their settings...dang, and I thought I was being good about it.  I wasn't hiding out on their property or anything.  Makes me wonder what they did...the network connection still identifies it as "unsecured" so you would think that it was still open.  But, whatever. 

It just plays with my ability to check my email and apply online to jobs and such. 

Oh, that's another thing.  I had an interview on Wednesday for a Medical Secretary training class.  Not that I intended to follow with that career, but it would have given me great benefits, which I need...as I still have no heath insurance, and probably should have a check-up in the next year sometime...oh, and then there's school loans to pay for.  But guess what?  I didn't get called by Friday with a happy little voice saying I made it in the class...granted there were only 6 open slots, so I didn't really expect to make it, but I thought I did well on the interview.  Dang it.  Anyway.  On with the job search.  Again.

If I live at home for a while, working in the area, I can forego paying rent...my mom said that if I contribute to grocery that would be enough for them.  And I'm all like that would be great, but I need to be where the job is.  So that's what I've been working on...am still working on.   Dammit, someone just give me a job, I'm sick of not having one, and am tired of looking for one, and apply and having it all fall through.

Where, Lord?  Where do you want me to go?  What do you want me to do?